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Ten fundamental principles to ending and recovering from your past relationship. Giving advice on breakups can be complicated because breakups are contextual. For instance, I would never advise anyone to break up with someone through a text message.
I remember when I was younger and mourning the loss of my boyfriend—the one whom I had broken up with for a multitude of good reasons. I was sobbing uncontrollably while comparing myself to the unknown entity of a woman he was now planning to marry.
I was certain she must have some magic ingredient that I did not. After all, she got the guy.
I had, after all, broken up with him. These behaviors can turn these limiting thoughts into a self-fulfilling reality.
Instead, align your words and thoughts with what you want to be true. This behavior reeks of desperation and neediness or overbearing control, none of which are powerful positions for communication. Communicate when there is something necessary to communicate. If you are hoping to get back together, pull yourself together and then present your case. Your weakest, messiest self is not your most attractive.
Music is a powerful input mechanism so carefully choose music that supports your strength and capabilityrather than the opposite. Consider what you are actually hoping for as a result here. Are you hoping to find them miserable so you feel better? When we are hurt, we tend to want to get the whole world on our side by talking about the other person negatively and telling our side of how we were wronged.
Not only does retelling the story over and over again keep us stuck in the pain, it also gets in the way of our moving on. Dragging mutual friends into our drama also puts them in the uncomfortable position of having to take sides—often on a faulty or one-sided perspective.
Should you break up or work it out?
If you need to talk to someone, talk to someone who will elevate your way of seeing the situationnot someone who will help you stir the drama up. Take responsibility for your part in whatever happened, this is how you release baggage instead of carrying it.
We have the opportunity to learn from everyone we encounter, most especially those we love. Ask yourself, what did you learn about yourself from this relationship?
7 post-breakup rules actually worth following
What have your learned from the break up? What will you do differently going forward?
In Real Love with Eve, she shares skills, principles, and tools for creating healthy, harmonious relationships—with friends, family, lovers, co-workers, and the world at large. Her uncommon approach to common sense will help you sail away from ego battles and into the calmer waters of real love.
10 rules for breaking up gracefully
To peek at the original article. We draw from the wisdom of many traditions and cultures, with an emphasis on sharing spiritual practices. We explore the health of body, mind, and spirit, and we recognize that in our language the words "whole," "health," and "holy" share a common root. Broken hearts take time to heal, but there are tried and true ways of helping the process along. Getting over a breakup? Consider this your survival kit.